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In continuation to: “As I began to Exist..”

In continuation to my earlier post: “As I began to Exist..”

I had many friends in the school but mostly they were from the same village may be because we shared the similar domestic/economic backgrounds. We used to swim in the deep and very fast flowing rivers which I now imagine was very dangerous. The unbelievable part was, I feel quite shameful to say that we used to swim naked too in order to hide these mischief from the parents and you know how it remains hidden? If we swam with under garments, our dress would get damp and would be noticed by the parents, so we used to swim without wearing anything. Parents at those times were wild lol. They knew nothing about “respecting a child and helping them understand things better”. Therefore, we had to play safer in order to avoid the troubles. We used to remain hours in the river while coming back from school, swimming and fishing and hiding the fish somewhere in the forest again, in order to avoid troubles he..he!

I used to follow some friends to their homes and sit down with them to eat their meals lol. I have no trace of some of these friends now because of the cleaning of Southern Bhutanese. We all were chased out abruptly by some Bhutanese Govt. officials following orders from the Higher Authorities. I have very less knowledge about this ethnic problem that aroused in Bhutan in the late 80s I have only bore the consequences. 

Well, I used to cattle herd in the weekends and go to very far places in the forest. I loved being in the nature. I feel like crying… screaming when I go back thinking about those times in that natural place where you’d meet no humans for hours walking across the forest unless you go to another village.  Other sides of our house were forest, they were tremendous! Wow, I used to collect firewood and my dad used to hunt wild pig and wild chickens. I was sincere at my work and was the least trouble maker comparing to my elder sisters and brothers but I was the most emotional and often used to feel sad because I’d understand clearly when I needed justice lol. So they used to rag me often for my being emotional and weepy which I hated most.

My mom who looked very strong and dangerous was equally kind and soft and warm. I’d miss my mom the minute I came back home from anywhere if she wasn’t at home. She’d know when I’d be hungry and when I needed her warm consolation or anything she used to talk to me making me feel better. I remember how she used to sing songs when we had go weeding the crops separating from weeds. I still love her company, she’s fun and sweet and very funny too. I love her voice and love her tunes, they are not copied from any music but made by herself….

….. will continue later!


As I began to Exist…..

When I began to realize my existence as a human being I was only about four to five years old and we lived in a remote village of southern Bhutan where we had no market place and I never saw motor cars/bus anything like that and not seen roads that were so flat and smooth.

You know what? I wore no slippers and shoes were out of question, I hardly saw anyone wearing shoes oh, yeah! I saw some rare ones wearing rubber shoes that needed no lace. Before I got enrollment in a village school I used to help my elder sisters for house chores and also to cowherd. We lived in jungle where no cattle ever had to suffer scarcity of greens. But I think we did suffer the scarcity of good life lol…

My parents worked very hard to keep up with our needs I realize now although we didn’t have enough to keep us warm in the winter time. My mom was more into the toil for supplying us our basic needs and her love has kept us all warm and alive. She’s an angel. She gave birth to a dozen children but we are only seven now. The youngest was born dead as they say and other two elder sisters passed away before I knew they existed and I remember other two sisters died with some cause after their marriage although I’m not very clear about it. They died before they had a glimpse of advancement of life. We are now only seven and I am the youngest among daughters and I have an elder brother and a younger. My second eldest sister is in NY, USA who got a resettlement like other Bhutanese refugees and three more elder sisters are in Bhutan, married and settled happily bearing grand children. I and my two brothers along with my parents are here in Nepal in the camp now although I have a feeling that my parents last days are very close specially my dad is ailing, he is shrinking every passing day. He is eighty seven now and my mom is eighty one.

Ooops!, let me take you back to my early days again! I remember the day my father took me to school for enrollment. I met a friend named Geeta Chettri who was smarter than me and not quite a village girl like me lol. I was six then and we had to walk for about three hours in a running speed or else we’d be late and punished. One of my elder sisters and my elder brother was already there in school so I had quite a homely feeling going to school. Only my elder sister and my brother would wear slippers while going to school as I’d lose my slipper while crossing the big river. I used to get one pair every year from my parents but they’d be blown by river every time before wearing them enough to have me served for its price lol. There’d be others too who were bare feet because we lived in village but not many. I used to be the topper in all subjects except Dzongkha, the National language of Bhutan……

I’ll continue further in a short time… wait for me!

As I walked

I have recently shifted from Bhutan to Nepal because my parents and rest of the families had been in Bhutanese Refugee camp, Nepal from about twenty years now. Although my census record wasn’t good like hundreds others I had been working in a private firm and staying alone with my children in Bhutan even after separation with my children’s father. It was almost a compulsion for me to shift to Nepal because as time passed the cost of living and schooling were difficult to have met. I came here and joined my parents and rest of the families with two intentions.

No.1. With a reason to lend a hand and look after my ailing parents who’ve spent times with more difficulties than I did.

No.2. Seeking a re-union of the family that “might” also allow me and my children a re-settlement abroad along with my parents and other family members.

 I got my children admitted to the camp school where education is free till 10th std as soon as we arrived. My son is in 10th grade and my daughter in 7th grade this year but unfortunately the education standard here is very poor with no adequately qualified teachers. However I have been a proud mom so far and to my surprise my children took along pretty well with the language. My son has unbeatable interest in soccer he not only plays for his school but also plays for a club and has already travelled few places in Nepal with an active participation in soccer. He plays for senior team because he doesn’t have players of his age except in school. He has a dream to play for Manchester United in the future and dancing is another dream for him which he already introduced himself with this talent in the locality. My daughter likes to write and likes painting/drawing she loves fairy tales and wants to be a writer-princess.

 I am looking forward to teaching children and I’m making plans to opening a tuition class room in the market area. This occupation will fetch me some money and simultaneously will enable me with enough time to spend at home every day. I always liked to teach in a school and educate children to shape them up with quality and would love to see them grow but this hasn’t happened to me yet. I have a goal in life, I have to stand my children on their feet enough responsible to withstand all risks and to thrive and most importantly I like to work volunteer someday in the future if things go right. I profoundly intent to work for hungry and sick and all needy.

Well, living in this place is different and much too critical. Risk involves in a great deal, anything can happen anytime concerning our health and security. Climatic conditions are at extremes all the seasons which affects everyone’s health easily.Image

 UNHCR aids us as a whole. They provide us rations every two weeks and education for children as cited above, the basic medical facilities and safety measures with a hut/bamboo shed each for every family and the rest we should manage on our own. For the maximum youth it’s a dead end and only very few can study further. They begin loitering with nothing to do and start using substances to fill up the emptiness in life because they cannot have an ambition or goal to follow anymore after 10th std. they can’t become an Engineer or Doctor like other normal youth.  Some marry at teens and deliver more refugees.

Third country re-settlement process is still on and many are leaving every day. This noble deed will make many dreams possible now and will save many lives yet there are many who desire to stay back. 

So, this is my life today and shall further learn what I hold in store?

My Life

Life had been tearful

Then I swam across its shore

Life had been endlessly painful

Then I eliminated the needle points


Life had been inferior and low

Then I rested my foot on the ground to take a leap

Life had been sorrowful

I tuned it in to harmonious melody


Life had been stormy 

Then I paddled toward my destination

Life had been a course

Then I learnt lessons eternal!


By: Parbati Rai

I Am Wandering

As I have walked this earth for 38 years now and I have had many experiences about life, living, nature of human beings and many more. I put up this way that I am little more optimist about my experiences than rest of the 38 years old women must have had. I shall, in addition, admit that I am fortunate to have signed in to the “Desteni I Process Lite” although inadvertently and without understanding its effect. I have made my way (with few steps) towards the DIP’s destination and I am very excited to reach the end of this journey and to know “where will I find myself and what will I say about DIP at that time?” I want to go through this course/process honestly from the core of my heart.

When I have to say about my blog, I know nothing, Absolutely Nothing! It’s my Honorable Buddy Reviewer who advised me to create a blog which I feel is so very kind of her and I look forward to “no!” I should say I seek to advancing myself from where I am today. This is my absolute “First Time” trying to step forward towards my choice of direction and I shall make it to the end someday, I vow.


Parbati Rai